


(Who Will) Love Me As I Am

by adorations



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Apocalypse Prevented, Author has not read the comics, But there’s a lot of Five too, Coming Out, Everyone gets their moment, Family Drama, Ghosts, Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus centric, Multi, No Incest, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-01-15 19:24:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorations/pseuds/adorations
Summary: "What's best for us?" Diego punctuated the question by lodging a knife into the armchair. "You're really going to try tell me you think an international tour of the world's shittiest moms is what’s best for us?“Or,In the wake of the almost-apocalypse, the Hargreeves siblings must learn how to cope with their trauma and relate to each other. A road trip to meet their birth mothers seems like a good way to do so.





	1. Pogo - Hargreeves Mansion

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written anything in so long, and had almost convinced myself I wouldn’t again. 
> 
> The Umbrella Academy seized me and I knew I had more to say. 
> 
> Feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Title from Side Show’s Who Will Love Me as I Am?

"I'm sorry, I thought we already had a shitty childhood with a shitty parent, remind me again why I'd want another one?"

Pogo squinted at him and cocked his head to the side. If Klaus squinted back at him, it almost looked as though his nostrils were flaring. "I'm sorry if I have offended, Master Klaus. I was thinking only of what's best for you."

"What's best for us?" Diego punctuated the question by lodging a knife into the armchair. "You're really going to try to tell me you think an international tour of the world's shittiest moms is what's best for us? Now, after everything?"

And Christ, Diego was right. The timing of Pogo's suggestion took the idea from bad to worse. They had narrowly escaped the apocalypse with their lives, just barely convinced Luther to let Vanya out, and even now, a few odd months later, she has yet to leave the house for more than a few minutes at a time. Allison was physically healing, but her voice still wavered with the unmistakable shake of trauma. Five, now absolved of apocalyptic responsibility, stuck out like a sore thumb in modern society. Diego's temper grew shorter as his distance from the detective, Patch, grew, and Luther wandered the mansion aimlessly, sometimes staring at this own hands as if he were scared of their power. 

And as for Klaus...

"WHY?!" screamed a young, bloody woman into Five's ear. He doesn't notice her. He never does. "I had children, you monster! Why!?"

Klaus took a deep breath, tried to ignore her, and scoffed at Pogo. "You really want to stick us on a plane to Timbuktu and call it a day? How the hell is Stabby over here supposed to get through security?" Klaus jabbed his finger in Diego's direction. "Or even better, you can squish us all into a clown car and take us all the way to Crazy Town where we belong!" 

Luther, who had been surprisingly quiet, finally piped up. "I mean, theoretically, Five could just teleport us."

Five glared at them from his spot across the room. "I don't do that anymore."

"What?!" Allison and Luther said at the same time. They exchanged a glance. Luther continued. "What do you mean you don't do that anymore?"

"Are you deaf as well as idiotic? I said I don't. Fucking. Do that anymore."

Well, that was news to Klaus, but the crazy look in Five's eye and the slight shake in his clenched fists told him that this was not the right time to discuss it. 

"Don't call him that," said Vanya softly.

"I don't need you to defend me, Vanya. I can take him."

"She's only trying to help, Luther."

"I'm sorry, did you just say you could take me? Like in a fight? Do you have any idea how many people I've killed?" 

"Get her, Jade!" Klaus shouted over the noise.

"Shut the hell up, Klaus."

"Kiss my sweet ass!"

"This family has gone to shit," Ben muttered softly in Klaus' ear. At this exact moment, Diego had burst out of his seat, reaching for another blade, and-

"Enough!" Pogo slammed his cane on the floor. "This is what I meant," he said meekly. "The apocalypse was prevented, thank Heavens. But it seems we've all forgotten to consider what happens next." He surveys the room, taking the time to look all of them (save for Ben) in the eye. "The Umbrella Academy is no more. But you still have each other. I thought knowing where you were from would help heal some old wounds." For the first time, Pogo hung his head in shame. "I know that the childhood I aided in building you was... less than ideal."

That's an understatement, Klaus thought, but held his tongue. 

"I have no way of getting back that lost time. Or of going back and unlearning my delusions. But I'll do whatever I can to help you now. Even if it's unpopular. And I think it would be beneficial to meet your birth mothers." He sighed, so deeply that Klaus was painfully reminded of his age. 

"The apocalypse is over. What happens to you?" He blinked a few slow, unhappy blinks. "What happens to my kids?"

The question hung in the air. Even Diego, still steaming, failed to respond. 

Pogo waved a black notebook. "This is what I could piece together from the remains of Reginald's research. Should you decide to take it, the Hargreeves fortune would be more than happy to aid your continued research." And with that, he left.

The Hargreeves siblings stared at each other. Until-

"Bullshit. The woman that gave me up..." Diego threw another knife into the space a Reginald portrait used to be, "...is not my mother. Let's not pretend we owe them anything."

Diego retrieved his knives and stormed out of the room. 

Five slowly rose to his feet. "It seems pointless," he said. And he walked - instead of spatial jumping, Klaus noticed- out of the room, his tiny feet making almost no sound. 

"Yeah," Klaus said, rising and stretching just enough that his stomach poked out of his crop top, "Not that you guys aren't a nonstop thrill ride, but I'd say my time here is done."

"Klaus!" Allison scolded, now flipping through the black book. "You're really just going to walk away from this?" 

Klaus' eyes darted towards Ben. "Uh, yeah. Pretty much."

"Well, what does Ben think?"

Ben sighed. "I think you're making a mistake."

Klaus hustled out and called over his shoulder, "The same as always!"

Klaus threw himself onto his childhood bed and groaned. The cold sweats, the slight shake in his hands, the ghosts' screaming, his siblings' arguments; None of it helped his headache. 

Just outside his door, a middle-aged woman was limping past and weeping. 

"Klaus?" She called. "Klaus. Klaus!" 

He groaned again in response. She had been limping in this hallway since he was a child. Klaus fumbled, searching for his headset.

"I still think you're making a mistake," said Ben, suddenly crouching down next to Klaus' ear.

"Jesus H Christ, Ben. I could hear you just fine from over there."

"Not for long." They both know it's true. "Did you even consider what I want?"

"You want to go look an old bitch in the eyes and know she's the reason for all this shit? No thank you. If you wanna go, be my guest and leave without me."

"That's not funny," Ben said quietly. Somewhere deep inside, Klaus had the decency to agree. They both knew how messy navigating the afterlife without a guide could. "Maybe I just need to know, Klaus. Why she did it. If she regrets it. If she thinks about me. I mean, Jesus, she might not even know I'm-"

"Okay, point made!" He rammed his fists into the side of his head. "Even so, I'd only go if we all did. And Diego and Five would be hard to convince."

Ben simply raised his eyebrows.

"Fine!" Klaus rose in defeat. "You know I can't deny a challenge."

"I challenge you to be less annoying."

"I challenge you to get a sense of humor."

Ben raised his middle finger.

Klaus made his way down the hall, past the limping woman. 

"Klaus!" she moaned. 

"No time, amiga," Klaus said, suppressing a shudder. Diego's room was empty. Klaus moves to the next room. 

"Klaus!" she said again. 

Damn. Five's door was slammed shut, with only a repetitive tapping sound coming from inside. That would be the same tapping Klaus heard late each night, he realized. Although what it meant was still a mystery. 

"Klaus!" she insisted. 

"Jesus, lady, I'm sorry!"

Klaus picked up the pace and hurried to find Diego. It wasn't until he finally pushed open the world to Dad's- no, Reginald's, former surveillance room that he found him. 

Klaus kept his mouth shut, but he knew Diego was aware of his presence. His shoulders, already tense, tightened further yet. Still, he said nothing. 

The screens each displayed a memory of their own, and it took everything left in Klaus to stare down the monitor and watch.

"Five, we're gonna get in trouble!" whispered a tiny Luther. Five zapped around the room, collecting snacks in the moonlight. "Ben needs it. He needs to eat."

"I heard a rumor," taunted young Allison, "that you let me use the room first." Small, mousy Vanya quietly packed up her violin. 

"It just seems like life is better this way," Klaus speculated, popping another pill into his mouth and reclining on the couch. The real Klaus' mouth watered. He could almost feel the pill's weight on his tongue. 

"I can't imagine anything making this better," whispers little Ben. The real Klaus felt a chill on his back. Ben had tried to put a hand on his shoulder. 

A toddler's voice accompanied the sound of small hands banging on the front door. "Dada, cold!"

Reginald Hargreeves paid little attention. "You must learn to control your powers, Number Five. Let yourself back inside."

"Dada!"

Yet, there in the surveillance room, Diego was watching none of these scenes. Klaus followed his icy glare to another monitor. 

Diego on the screen looked as though he were only 80 pounds soaking wet - which, he was. Soaking wet, that is, and coughing up water onto the carpet, where he lay, shaking. 

"Disappointing results, Number Two. Number One has set new training records for the week and you remain behind."

Diego sputtered, still spitting out water and what looked like blood. "I'm s-s-sorry-"

"We will go hunting with knives again tomorrow. I suspect you will do better."

This only made Diego cry harder, until he was left alone, sobbing in a small puddle on their living room floor, calling for Mom. 

"How could she have trusted him?"

Diego's words tore Klaus' eyes from the screen at last. 

He continued. "What made her think he'd take care of us?"

"People are naive. Often stupid. And monetarily driven." Five said this from the doorway Klaus hadn't even realized he'd been standing in. Klaus’ heart sank when he saw how tightly Five gripped the door handle. 

"I don't have a good answer," said Klaus, sharing his own response. "I guess she's the only one who does."

Diego burst from his seat, shoved Five aside and flew down the stairs. 

"Diego, wait!" Klaus and Five scrambled to follow him. 

When they made it back to the dining room, Allison, Vanya, and Luther were still pouring over Pogo's black book. 

Diego pointed at it. "We're going."

"We're going?" said Klaus. 

"We are." Five said decisively. 

"I've got some questions to ask." That, Klaus guessed, was the best explanation the others would get from Diego. 

Klaus smiled bitterly. "Let's get this freak show on the road!"


	2. Allison's Mother - Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Academy kicks off their roadtrip in Chicago, by visiting Allison's mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So technically, it's never said in the chapter but I didn't know for sure where Allison had been adopted from so I just put her in my hometown. I have not read the comics, I don't know if it ever implies somewhere else. Let's all just enjoy the rules of his universe and the reality that I present, huh? haha
> 
> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think.

It wasn't the hot, sticky temperature of the van that was killing Klaus. It wasn't the long stretches of time between bathroom breaks, the vague smell of warm cheese inside the van, or the drool Vanya was getting on the window. No, what killed him was the quiet. Save for the occasional disgruntled sigh from Five, the siblings were near silent. It amplified each shaking breath that he took, and the rush of blood through his body.

Or perhaps, Klaus realized, it was possible that Alison and Luther were still quietly chatting in the row of seats in front of him. Yes, if he focused his breathing, he could hear their voices.

"And Tatiana Popova, in St. Petersburg, confirmed to be living, which is more info than most, unfortunately... There's just so little we know..."

And suddenly, just like that, Klaus is back in that motel, tied up and helpless, deciphering messages from Zoya Popova and forced for the first time in years to be sober, just before he met Dave - Dave. Klaus felt it, felt it in full, the yearning, the craving, just like he did that night with Hazel and Cha Cha-

"Klaus..." said Ben warningly.

The sound of his own heart was overwhelming, thumping and blood rushing in his ears, his breath quickened still, his fingernails, bitten down to stubs, begged to dig into something-

"Hey!" he yelled into the void of the van. "Did I ever tell you guys about the time I almost hooked up with a guy that looked like Danny Devito?"

Luther made a small noise of disapproval. Vanya's head flew up. "What's happenin'?" she slurred.

"Believe it is not, I am not interested in hearing the details of your sexual exploits, Klaus," said Five.

"Can we at least play some music, then?" He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "You guys are boring as shit."

And no, it wasn't about listening to music as much as it was about having something, anything, to focus his mind on. But it was true that he missed music. Vanya's violin was no longer a music maker but a dust collector. The other siblings tiptoed around her without melody, for fear of upsetting her. It was incredibly boring.

Diego, at the wheel, glanced first to Vanya, who pretended not to care, then in the mirror and nodded to Luther in the seat behind him. "Go ahead."

Luther hesitantly pulled a CD from his bag. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. Just play the damn CD."

Luther pushed it into the machine.

Belinda Carlisle's voice shot out from the speakers. _Oo, baby, do you know what's that's worth? Oo, heaven is a place on earth!_

Klaus hit his hands on the back of Luther's seat. "Treasure this moment, because this is the only time I'll say it: You've got good taste, Luther." He stomped his feet excitedly. "Yes!"

Five pulled his limbs into a fetal position, away from Klaus who had already started voguing.

"Little Five doesn't want to dance!" Klaus complained.

"I'm older than you."

Allison lowered her hairbrush-microphone. "Five, don't you remember when Mom used to bring us out to the courtyard, and she'd play this record-"

"Yes, obviously I remember," Five hissed, "but I'm no longer a child-"

"I'm sorry, Five, I'm having trouble hearing you there." Diego slowly turned up the volume. "What was that?"

"You're insufferable."

"Sorry, the driver picks the music."

"Let me drive, goddamn it!"

"Fat chance. You look 13." Diego shrugged into the mirror. "Mom's music wins." A brief look of regret flashed over Diego's face as he seemed to remember what they were on their way to do. Klaus sang louder.

Even Vanya seemed to be mouthing the words, albeit softly, as if she were afraid of their power. But the corners of her mouth twitched, and Klaus pretended not to notice it, nor the coins levitating slowly on her left.

Add to the list of things Klaus pretended not to notice: Five's foot bouncing to the rhythm, more and more obvious as the CD progressed.

-

"Allison, you don't have to do this," Vanya said. "We can leave."

Technically she's right, Klaus thought, but it would be kind of a waste of time.

Allison's hand hovered over the doorbell. "No," she said. "No, I want to do this."

Her manicured finger pushed the button.

"Allison-" Luther started, moving forward and almost pushing Klaus off the already cramped porch. However, as soon as he said this, the door swung open.

The child in the doorway did not look old enough to be answering the door by himself, let alone old enough to be a homeowner. He dropped the stuffed bear he held and shouted.

"Strangers!" He was gone before Allison could say anything in response.

"I'm so sorry!" said the woman rushing to the door. "I don't know how he-"

Her jaw dropped when her eyes landed on Allison.

"You're Allison Hargreeves." She whispered the words so softly Klaus had to lean in to hear them. "I always knew you'd come one day." She sniffled and side-stepped to let them in. "Please, please come in, I'm... I'm sorry-"

"You're Paula Carr?" Allison asked.

"Yes. Yes, I'm your mama." If she was anything, it was straight to the point.

Klaus watched her scurry about the room, desperately kicking children's toys out of the walkway and clearing the kitchen table. The red polish once on her fingernails was chipping, but it was easy to see why. Paula touched every item within arms reach. She tapped on cupboards, pushed knick-knacks, and gathered chairs together at the table. Klaus noted that she didn't need to do a headcount to know there were 6 of them.

Paula continued running around the house as if she were a tornado, ducking back in and out of the room. "Please, make yourselves comfortable... I'll get coffee..."

The little boy pointed at Allison. "I see you on TV."

"That's right, baby," said Paula, entering the room again and filling as many coffee cups as she could, all while carrying a large scrapbook. "Allison's in all our favorite movies."

"Is this your son?" Allison asked her. Klaus has to give her some credit. Ever the actress, his sister managed to maintain some normalcy in their small talk, even in this situation.

"No, my sister's." Paula sank into a seat. She smiled weakly. "Your cousin."

"Then you know why we're here?" said Luther, speaking up. "I mean, why Allison is here."

Paula set the scrapbook on the table and tapped its cover. "I'd know my child anywhere."

Allison slowly lowered herself into the chair across from Paula. She eyed the scrapbook warily.

"Go on, then," Paula urged her. Allison began to flip through the pages.

Klaus and the rest of his siblings (save for Five, who had stayed stationary near the doorway, and Diego, who was surveying the room) peered over Allison's shoulder. The scrapbook was filled with Umbrella Academy articles, TeenBeat interviews with Allison, reviews of each of the movies and red carpet outfits. It was all Allison, and it was incredibly thorough.

"This is my whole life," Allison murmured.

Not quite, Klaus wanted to say. This woman hadn't scrapbooked any of their family trauma.

"The last person who collected Academy memorabilia tried to kill us," Diego said grimly, joining his siblings.

"Diego..." Luther said warningly.

"I can assure you, that is not what I'll be doing." Paula, surprisingly, was holding her own. She still sat tall, refusing to shy away from Diego's aggression. Her eyes shined with the same glint in them that Klaus had grown up seeing in his sister. This woman was undoubtedly related to Allison. "You're welcome to take a seat."

Diego begrudgingly took the chair next to Allison, but Klaus could see his hand disappear into the inside of his jacket. Klaus knew Diego was running his fingers over a blade, trying to decide if it would be necessary.

"So you know," Allison said, flipping through pages with tabloid headlines about her divorce. "You know all about me and the Academy and my career."

"Of course." For a moment, Paula's soft gaze made Klaus feel like he was intruding. Then he came to his senses.

"Then why not contact her?" Klaus shrugged. "Anyone can make a scrapbook."

"I'm sorry, can we not immediately be on the attack? For once?" Allison was awful quick to defend a woman who had done nothing for her, in Klaus' opinion.

"It's a fair question." Diego said this with his hand still hidden.

Suddenly, from behind them all, a crashing sound. Five stood next to a lamp on the ground. "Whoops," he said without emotion. He pressed on. "We all know why. Easier to say you have a famous kid than actually be there for it."

Paula's hand shook her coffee cup slightly, but to her credit, she held her composure. "Number Five. It's good to see you back again." She took a small sip from her mug. "Your father was very clear when he had me sign his contract. I was not to reach out to Allison or have any contact with her. Of any kind." For the first time since their arrival, she is the first to break eye contact. Klaus feels something like regret for his previous accusation. "But I always hoped you'd find me."

Of course Reginald had whipped up a no-contact contract. Of course he had approached young, brand new mothers and keep their children from them. Of course he had neglected to tell his kids that it was impossible for their birth parents to reach out to them first. Jesus, Klaus had spent a lot of his life feeling like he was stupid, but this moment of realization took the cake. How idiotic he must have been, as a child and even now, as an adult, to think that all 7 women had been just as heartless as his father. He looked to his sister, whose eyes glistened ever slightly. Of course someone as nice as Allison would have a mother that wanted to see her.

"You'll have to forgive my siblings," said Allison. "We're a bit cautious, considering the circumstances. Some more than others."

"I read Miss Vanya's book. I believe I understand some."

Vanya's ears flushed red, and Diego gritted his teeth. Even now the book was a sore spot. 

"Ms. Carr-" Allison started, only to seem uncomfortable with the title. "Paula. If you don't mind me asking, why..."

"Why did I give you up?" Paula finished. Allison nodded in response.

Paula looked around sheepishly. "I'm not proud of it. But I was young. I was poor. My sister was even younger... We needed the money. He seemed so eager to have you kids... I thought that life must be better than what I could offer you. I was so upset to read that might not have been the case. I'm still upset."

The bags under Paula's eyes wore down what was otherwise a youthful face. Paula couldn't have been much more than 50. Not that it was really a possibility for Klaus, but had he magically become pregnant 10 years ago, at 20? He would've been a poor addict with no room for a child either. The weight of the "magical pregnancy" fully hit him for is the first time.

"Klaus?" Ben waved a ghostly hand in front of Klaus' face.

In the time it took for Klaus to get lost in his thoughts, the little boy from before had toddled across the room and clumsily climbed into Paula's lap. She held him, bounced him slightly and stroked his hair as he babbled to himself. Klaus' ignores the burning in his chest.

"You really don't look so good," Ben continued. Klaus still said nothing.

"What's your nephew's name?" Vanya asked.

"Elijah." Paula beamed from ear to ear. "He's growing up to be quite the looker."

Klaus waved his GOODBYE hand at Elijah, who laughed so hard spit began to dribble on his chin.

"He likes you," Ben whispered.

"Yeah, maybe," said Klaus, finally responding to his brother.

"No other kids?" It's Luther's turn to question her.

"No," she said quietly. "Childbirth... was not easy for me. Doing it again was not a possibility."

"I understand," said Allison. "When I had my daughter I ended up in the ICU. I don't think I could ever do it again."

"What?!" Luther, Diego, and though nobody else knew it, Ben, all said this at the same time. Even Five's head swiveled to stare at her. 

"Allison, why didn't you tell us that? Why didn't you call?" Luther sounded heartbroken. 

"Did you know that?" Ben asked Klaus.

"Obviously not," Klaus hissed. Allison glanced at him; Now she knew Ben was commenting on the situation as well. 

"I was a little preoccupied at the time." It's a weak explanation and she knows it, he can tell by her twitching fingers. 

"I get it, honey." Paula slowly reached out to grab Allison's hand. "I'm glad you're alright. And your daughter! Little Claire." With her free hand, she smoothed Elijah's hair again. "I'd love to meet her someday. If that's okay with you."

"I'd like that," Allison said with melancholy. "I hope you can meet her soon."

-

"Well, thank you, Allison, for using your movie star connections to get us a five-star hotel. Really, thanks for that."

Luther dropped his bags with a thud. "Do you always have to have such a poor attitude? Is that a requirement?"

"Gee, I don't know, Luther, but I sure hope I can find out one day. Will I ever be able to enjoy a motel without an attitude?" Klaus threw himself onto one of the beds. He thought he even saw a cloud of dirt rise from this action. 

"I guess I just assumed you'd seen worse, you know, out on the _streets_ -"

"Jesus!" Allison interrupted. "This is exactly what Pogo was talking about by the way. Can we just," she sighed, and massaged her face, "try to have a normal vacation?"

"I'm sorry," said Luther. To Allison, not to Klaus, which is not lost on him.

"Nothing about this is normal, Allison. You know that." 

Ben shook his head. "Just let her have this, Klaus."

Klaus shot an ugly face in Ben's direction. Who was he to be the morality police all the time anyway?

"Maybe not." Allison sat down on the other bed and kicked off her shoes. "But there's a reason we _all_ agreed to do this." She began removing her earrings. "I'm glad we did this. I had a nice day. Can I please continue to have a nice day? Can we not end it this way, or do I have to go sleep in Vanya's room?"

And how could Klaus tell her that standing right in front of her was a young woman, no, a _teenager_ screaming that she had been left here, that her body was mutilated, that her killer still walked free?

How could he tell Luther that right where he had dropped his bags, an older man with a gunshot wound had stuck up his middle finger in their direction and shouted the occasional "Fuck you!" to accompany other obscene hand gestures?

How could he imagine being so heartless as to describe to them the rattling, shaking sobs of a baby whose body lay hidden somewhere in the room?

Instead, he asked Allison, "Do you really feel better now that you've met her?"

"Yeah. I do."

Klaus swallowed hard. "Then I'll try to have a better attitude."

Allison softened. Klaus tried to ignore the pang of guilt that always came with his sister's kindness. "I have facemasks? If you want one."

Klaus grinned. "Fuck yeah. Luther?"

"I don't know..." Luther eyed the packets Allison held. 

"Oh fuck off, you're doing one. We're all doing one." He glanced at Ben, who rolled his eyes. "Except Benny Boy. Sorry."

Allison looked into the space just beyond Klaus' shoulder. It was close to where Ben sat, but not accurate. "Would Ben have wanted one?"

"What would I do with a fucking facemask?"

"Uhhh," Klaus dragged, "I don't think so."

It was a bit funny, Klaus had to admit, to look at his green face in the mirror. He looked like the Wicked Witch of the West. Or Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. He glanced out at the main room. Allison was trying to help Luther apply the product to his face, but glops of green goop kept falling from his face and to the ground. Allison was gentle with him and continued to spread the facemask. Luther was more still than Klaus had seen him in a long time.

How funny it was, that they were sitting there applying a skincare product. They could barely take care of their emotions or psyche, and yet, here they are moisturizing or whatever. Had Klaus ever done that before? Even once in his life? He didn't have any memory of doing so, and he highly doubted that skin care was on his to-do list while he was high. 

Oh, to be high right about now. He left the bathroom and returned to his bed. The baby was still crying, the girl was still screaming, the man was still cursing. He wished he could draw himself a bath and stick his head under the water and never come up for air, but he didn't think he trusted the cleanliness of a motel bathtub. 

He squeezed his eyes shut. Shitty, dirty, motels. He knew he shouldn't complain to Allison again so he kept his mouth shut, but goddamn if this particular motel didn't bring him right back to Hazel and Cha Cha's torture. Dave would help if he were here. Dave would kiss his scars and wounds, just like he did on those late nights in Vietnam. Dave, Dave, Dave. They could've had a life together, started a family, been happy-

He squeezed his eyes even tighter because he knew if they opened any wider he'd only be witness to another tender moment between Allison and Luther. Was the baby getting louder? Jesus, what happened to a baby in a motel? What caused such awful, rattling, earth-shattering cries? Who would care so little for a baby? Were his hand tremors getting worse? What would it take for Klaus to get a fucking cigar around here? Or better yet...

"Klaus," Ben said. "You should get some sleep."

"Hey, Klaus?" said Allison's voice from far, far away. "You're shaking."

"Oh, am I?" Klaus said, his eyes still closed. "It must be cold in here."

"Hey." That was Luther's low, concerned voice. "What's going on?"

"Do you ever regret having a baby, Allison?" Klaus surprised even himself with his words. 

"Never." There is no hesitation in her voice, even if she was unsure of Klaus' motives.

"Even though you were in the ICU?"

"No."

"Even when she threw temper tantrums? Or acted like you did as a kid- a total brat?"

"Not even then." Klaus thought he heard the hint of a smile in her voice.

"I think if I had a kid and it acted like me, I'd be much less understanding."

"Are you high?" Luther asked.

"I'm not high!" Klaus said in indignation. "I'm still sober." He said it much quieter.

"You don't have kids, Klaus." That was Allison. Ever the actress. Always trying to maintain normalcy.

"No. My kid would have to be more like Dave. It'd be too sad to see a bunch of little Klauses, huh?" he rolled over on his side. "Goodnight."

"Klaus!" Allison said. "You at least have to take off the face mask."

"Extra moisturizer," he muttered. "Goodnight."

He assumed that as in most cases, his siblings have no idea what to do with him, and they left him alone. He still felt Ben's presence close to him, but he remained silent, which Klaus was grateful for. The baby kept crying.

The last thing Klaus remembered thinking before drifting into a fitful sleep was that if his birth mother was anything like him, she probably thought that he would be better without her. Or, she was scared he'd be a fuckup, like she was (if she was indeed like him). He hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave a comment to tell me what you think!


	3. Ben - San Francisco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hargreeves visit San Francisco to meet Ben’s birth mother.

No, diner food was not a delicacy, but it was easy, and it was plentiful. Klaus knew that, of course, from his fair share of cheap diner food over the years, and this particular roadside meal was no exception. 

Klaus' own plate was stacked full of pancakes, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream, all topped off with sprinkles and a maraschino cherry. Or at least, that's the form it originally came in. Since then, Klaus had been smashing it with his fork and lazily scooping it into his mouth. This resulted in the great, sugary soup that now sat in front of him. 

"That looks disgusting," said Diego, his eyes bulging.

Yeah, like Diego's drippy eggs and bacon looked so much more appetizing. At least Klaus' food was colorful. Emphasis on "was." Now, the colors all ran brown. Klaus flung some of his goop across the table and directly on to Diego's face.

Vanya gasped in surprise. Allison failed to hold back her laughter and snorted into her coffee.

Diego aggressively rubbed his face with a napkin. "Try that again, I fuckin' dare you."

"Oh, yes sir, anything for you, boss..." Klaus flung more of his breakfast goop, this time at Luther. He shuttered as it hit his skin. 

"That's better," said Diego, pointing at Luther. "Now that I like."

"Excellent aim," Ben praised. 

"It's not that funny," Luther scowled.

"It's a little funny," said Allison, passing him an extra napkin. Luther said nothing. 

"Oh, c'mon. It's just a bit of fun!" Klaus insisted. "Look, even Five agrees!"

They all shifted their gaze to Five who kept a straight, unamused face. 

"It is a bit funny," he said with no sign of mirth.

"You hear the man-child! It's a bit funny!" 

"What's the deal with his food?" Ben asked him, while the other siblings kept bickering. "Look." 

Klaus followed Ben's gaze towards Five's plate, and lo and behold, none of it had been eaten. At first glance, it might _seem_ like food had disappeared, but it had only been cut up into tiny, bite-sized pieces, and pushed around on the plate. Only his coffee seemed to have been consumed. Even now, as he watched him, Five was absorbed in vigorously stabbing at the food with his knife. His fork and spoon remained clean. 

"Ben wants to know why you're not eating."

Luckily, his other siblings do what they do best and don't hear him. It occurred to Klaus too late, as usual, that he didn't want to do the whole "Ben-said-something-oh-yeah-remember-Ben-and-his-untimely-death" routine again this morning. They continued with their petty arguments and light conversation. Almost like a normal family. 

"You didn't have to phrase it like that," Ben complained. 

Five, however, did hear him loud and clear. For the briefest of moments, he looked surprised. His jaw dropped wide open before clenching shut in anger again. 

"I'd like to know why Ben thinks he has any understanding of my meal." 

"Prick," Ben muttered to himself. Then, to Klaus, "Don't tell him that."

"I get it," Klaus said, waving his hands in mock surrender. "Diner food sucks sometimes. But desserts are universal." He reached across the table to swipe Diego's slice of apple pie.

"That's mine, asshole."

Klaus ignored him. "C'mon, just one slice of good ol' fashioned American pie." Of course _now_ he gets the table's attention. "Just like the housewives used to make."

"I'm not really a dessert person. One bad Twinkie and all that."

"Ooo-kay, no idea what that means, I just know that otherwise, this pie is going to go to waste. C'mon Five, make the housewife happy. Taste the oppression of the '50s."

"You have no idea what you're saying." Five eyed the pie, refusing to look back up at Klaus. 

"I guess I never do, do I?" Klaus pushed the plate closer. "Just have breakfast."

Vanya tried to put a hand on his forearm. "Five, you don't have to-"

He yanked his arm away. "Fine, I'll have the fucking pie."

"Maybe that was a bit much," Ben suggested, too late, as Five had already sized up the pie and choked it down in 6 short bites. 

"For the record, I was going to eat that."

"Shut up, Diego."

Five stood sharply, nearly knocking his chair over. "I'm going out to the van. Just meet me there when you've finished." With that, he sped out of the diner a bit too quickly for Klaus' comfort. 

"Someone has to go with him. I mean, there's no way we're leaving him alone, right?" Allison said, addressing the group. 

"Ben and I will go." Klaus rose from the table just as quickly, turning around before he could see the momentary look of shock on his siblings' faces, the same as they always looked when he brought up Ben. He was out the door before he could hear any of them have to ask where Ben was standing. 

The van, however, was unoccupied. 

"Shit," said Ben and Klaus in unison. 

Klaus ran to the only other man in the parking lot. "Excuse me, have you seen a 13-year-old man-child? Answers to 'Five'?!"

The man brushed him off and said nothing. 

"Goddamn it, the little shit!"

"Behind the building?" Ben suggested. 

"I sure as fuck hope so." Klaus trudged his way to the back. 

At first glance, there was nothing but a few old dumpsters. Then he heard it. There, hiding behind the dumpster-

"Five!" Klaus rushed to him. "Jesus, man..."

Five was hunched over, heaving, choking, and ultimately vomiting onto the ground in front of him. Five had always looked disproportionately small in comparison to his age, but now more than ever he looked... Tiny. And frail. For a moment, it seemed as though he had stopped vomiting and sat there, gasping for air, before curling over and spilling his guts again. 

Klaus instinctively reached out to hold him. 

"Don't touch me." Five wiggled out of his grasp, slamming his back flat up against the wall. Somehow, he had stolen one of Diego's knives and now held it in front of him. His hand wavered slightly, even the small weight of the knife was too much. He had a small bit of spit-up dribbling on his chin. 

"Okay, okay, I won't touch you, let's just... put the knife down." 

Five slowly lowered the blade. 

"I don't have any napkins. They're all in the van." Klaus said. "Can you walk there?" 

Five wordlessly stood, wobbled, and sat back down. 

"Okay." Klaus exhaled. "Okay. This is going to scar me more than it's going to scar you. I'm gonna have to carry you back to the van."

Five weighed his options. "I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door." 

"Okay," Klaus said. He stood and slowly took a step backward. "Your choice. If you're not going to jump there..." 

Five gritted his teeth. 

"...And you're not going to let me carry you..."

Five made an audible sound of annoyance. 

"...Then your only other option is to stay here. I'll see you later."

"Wait!" Five yelled. He took one more rattling breath. "Fine, let's just get this over with."

Klaus bent down and hooked one arm under Five's legs and the other behind his back, bridal style. He could feel Five fighting the instinct to pull back, maybe grab the knife again, but he resisted. 

"Ok, Klaus, you can do this..." Klaus spoke to himself.

"Lift from the knees," Ben suggested. 

"What?" Five asked, but he was already in the air. He groaned with the motion and clutched his stomach. Doing so brought his head closer to rest on Klaus' chest. Klaus pretended not to notice the stain that was going to leave. 

"Okay," Klaus said, finally setting his brother down in the van. "Not so bad, huh?" 

"I probably could've walked myself if I just had a few more minutes. I probably didn't need you to do that."

"Yeah, probably." Klaus stared him down. "But where's the _theatre_ in that?"

"You tell anyone, and you're dead."

"Oh, so Luther can carry you but I can't?"

Five scowled. "He wasn't supposed to tell you that. Now Luther has to die." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Besides, I was drunk then. I didn't really know what he was doing."

Klaus raises his eyebrows. "Are you drunk now?" 

"No!" Five looked away. "However, I am hungover."

If Klaus has known that his brother had alcohol last night... No. _No._ If Klaus had known that his brother had alcohol last night he would've ripped the bottle from his small, traumatized, 13-year-old hand. 

"That's not why you threw up." It wasn't a question. 

"No, it wasn't."

"No desserts."

"No desserts," Five echoed grimly. 

Klaus took off his coat and dropped it to the ground. 

"You don't want your jacket?"

"Nah," Klaus lied. "It was going out of style anyways."

Five massaged his temple. "Style was never something I thought you cared that much about."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that," Klaus pouted. "Especially with your clothes." 

Once they had started to settle back into something resembling a normal routine, Klaus absolutely refused to let Five continue to wear the old Academy uniforms. Too depressing. And more importantly, too ugly. And yet, Allison reminded him, they were not to interfere with Five's fashion choices, no matter how badly Klaus felt he needed it. So began the era of Five's sweaters, trousers, and white sneakers. Tweed jackets were frequent fliers. And Klaus could do nothing. 

"That's fine by me," said Five. He paused. "Don't tell the others."

This ended up being an easy feat. No one questioned why Five was silent on the car ride, or why he clutched his stomach and stared out the window. In fact, it took several hours before Vanya said to Klaus: "Weren't you wearing a jacket before?"

All Klaus has to say is "Yeah, I ditched it on the side of the road. I'm hoping to lose the pants next," and nobody questioned it any further.

In fact, he even heard Allison murmur "Why do we even bother asking him these things?"

Same old, same old.

-

"Alright, Klaus," Diego said, slamming the car door behind him. "You take the lead on this one."

Klaus stepped out of the van and squinted into the sun. "Oh no, really? I thought Luther would be talking for Ben."

"You're hilarious."

"I was thinking of pursuing standup, actually, so thank you, Luther."

"Are you allowed to do standup if you're a walking disaster?” Diego teased.

"It's even encouraged." Klaus glanced up at the house in front of them. 

It was a beautiful house, old but not spooky, cozy-looking but not too small. Ghosts were minimal, only one naked man bleeding out on the lawn and one little girl screaming in the driveway. Far from the worst haunting Klaus had ever seen.

And of course, the location did a lot of good for the house, in Klaus' opinion. He had never been to San Fransico. In fact, he had never been to California, period. 

Dave used to talk about California. 

_"Just you wait, Klaus,"_ he'd say. _"One day we're gonna get outta here. Run away."_

Klaus smiled as he remembered the wild look Dave would get in his eyes.

Klaus had been cynical, even then. _"And where would we go?"_

_"California!"_ Dave had hopped up out of bed, jittery with the excitement of the future. _"Just you wait, Klaus, my sister lived there, we could live there, Klaus-"_ And Dave leaned in to kiss him again, _"I'm gonna buy you a house."_

Now, Klaus opened his eyes. He hadn't even realized he had squeezed them shut. They could've lived somewhere just like this. If he avoided looking at the naked man, he could almost see Dave on the lawn, running after... A child. A little girl with pigtails, maybe. God, even his imagination had gone soft and domestic.  He glanced then at his siblings, in particular at Five. Maybe they all had. 

"Okay, Klaus?" Allison said, breaking him out of his thoughts. "And Ben, too." Always the afterthought. Klaus glanced at Ben, who pretended not to care. Why couldn't they just..get used to it already? Klaus had to. They could too. Ben shouldn't have to be an afterthought just because Klaus was. "A Jessica Lee definitely lives here, and we're pretty sure it's Ben's birth mom. But we don't know for sure."

"Yeah, I was listening when you went over it in the car."

Allison looked surprised. "Oh. Well, let's not lead with the whole Seance thing, ok? Let's ease into it?"

Luther stepped in. "Are you... strong enough to do it today?"

Klaus knows he really means "Are you strong enough and are you sober?"

Sober? Painfully so. Strong enough? He looked at his brother, his dead brother standing on the lawn he could've grown up on, a lawn Klaus could've lived and loved on, and his heart surged. His hands twitched. Making Ben corporeal was always easier when emotions ran high. 

"Yeah," he said dryly. "Should be good to go. Let's do this."

They took no more than one step closer to the door when a small woman with an arm full of groceries called out to them. "I'm sorry?" she said. "Can I help you?"

"Are you Jessica Lee?"

The woman nodded, hesitantly. She repeated herself. "Can I help you?"

Allison told Klaus not to lead with the Seance thing. She didn't tell him what to leave with instead.

"Did you give up a baby 29 years ago? We have some questions we'd like to ask." Straight to the point.

The woman, who Klaus assumed is indeed Jessica Lee, dropped her grocery bag. Milk and eggs spilled over the sidewalk. 

"Come inside," she said. "Come inside."

Allison tried to shoot him some sort of look as they follow her into the house, but Klaus avoided her gaze. Was his strategy the most sensitive? Maybe not, but so far, it was effective. 

Well, mostly. It had gotten them into the house, but so far, this Jessica Lee had said nothing more to them than "Come inside," and "Yes, yes" over and over and to no one in particular.

Ben was very close to her, so close that if he had been living, she could've felt his breath on her skin. He scanned her face intently. Klaus knew his brother was trying to make sense of her furrowed brow, memorizing every last detail of her face to analyze later. Ben was always good at decoding emotion. 

"You're being creepy," Klaus said, in reference to Ben's proximity to Jessica. 

"I'm being creepy. I'm being creepy?!" Jessica said. Uh oh. Not what Klaus meant. Jesus, why did Allison let him lead this one? Even Luther, who was born with his foot in his mouth, could've done this. 

"No, I-"

"I mean, God forbid I take a moment to process this." Her tone was now dryly sarcastic rather than angry. She quickly poured two glasses of red wine and handed one to Klaus. "Here. You look like you need it." 

Klaus' heart leaped up into his throat. Blood coursed through his ears. He wanted it. He wanted it badly. No, she was right, he needed it. He needed it, to live, to breathe, to forget the heartache on the front lawn that still sat in the hollow cavity of his chest. He needed to soothe the itch in his soul. He needed a fucking peaceful night's sleep, instead of being lulled to sleep by screaming ghosts, only to dream of the explosions, the bloodshed, the gaping wound in Dave's torso. He couldn't stop his hand from bringing the glass up to his nose to smell even if he wanted to. It smelled just like his teen years, and the old clubs, and the shitty motels. It was so close to his mouth now, it would be so easy to take a sip, his mouth watered, his old track marks burned his flesh, he yearned to swig it back, and why not wash down a few pills while he was at it-

Klaus held the wine glass out to his side so suddenly he spilled a little on the floor. "No, thank you," he sputtered. His knees shook. "Allison." 

Before Allison can grab it, Five has already stolen it from Klaus' grasp and is chugging the whole thing. 

Jessica weakly pointed at Five. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see that." 

Ben had left his birth mother's side to stand closer to Klaus. "Klaus." That's all he had to say.

"I'm fine," Klaus hissed. He blinked and was suddenly aware of how much closer all his siblings were to him. "I'm fine!" he said, slightly louder. 

"I never said you weren't." Jessica sank into her couch and gestured for the group to sit near her. They oblige. Even Diego hesitantly sat in the farthest armchair he could find. Five eyed the rest of the wine bottle hungrily.

"So," said Jessica, "You're Reginald Hargreeves' children." 

And there it was, that spark of familiarity. Her eyes shone with just enough hope, even in a bleak and confusing situation, that Klaus was reminded of Ben. 

"You've heard of us?" Luther asked. 

"I purposefully know very little." If Klaus wasn't mistaken, Jessica sounded almost sad. "I know there was an academy. I know you were... shall we say extraordinary? I know nothing else."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing. That was intentional." She scanned her eyes over the group again. "I don't believe I see my son." 

"Well, you see, that's the thing-"

"Just tell me. Don't play games with me. If you came all this way, be frank with me."

She had a confidence to her that Ben had only found in death. Klaus was sure his siblings must've found it jarring. 

"Ben is dead." Klaus watched Luther shift uncomfortably when he spoke. "He died during a mission. When we were kids. The academy, you know."

Ben wiggled and tapped his fingers together. He was waiting to be corporeal, Klaus knew. If only they had started with that, Ben wouldn't have to wait to talk to his mother. 

Jessica ran her fingers through her hair. "Ben," she whispered as if it were a sacred word. "Ben." She looked up. "As in Benjamin?"

Klaus was taken aback. Ben shrugged at him. "I guess so," he answered. "We never asked. Our names are... complicated."

"Complicated at home." Jessica set down her glass on the side table. "I always wondered what that man was like. Tell me..." She paused, lost for words. "I don't know your name." 

"Klaus," he said, introducing himself and suddenly feeling somewhat exposed. He pointed at the rest of his family and rattled off their names. Luther preened at the sound of his name and sat up straighter. Allison, sensing this as a reflection of the classical conditioning that was their childhood, put a hand on his arm to calm him down. Vanya reflexively shied away from the attention, and those same childhood reflexes had Diego crossing his arms and leaning back from the conversation. Probably mentally cataloging his knives, Klaus thought, in order of effectiveness, or something equally douchey. Five looked unaffected, save for the glazed look in his eyes. How long had he looked like that?

"Five. Names were complicated for your family," she commented. "And Ben." Her almost bitter tone made Klaus think that she must have suffered throughout her lifetime. She had seen some sort of hell and then sat here in front of him, desperately trying to hold it together. He wondered if it was cruel, what they were doing. "Tell me, Klaus, please, what happened to him?"

"Um..." Klaus looked at Ben for some indication of what to say. Ben gestured for him to go on. 

_"Jesus, no, no, no, no!" Klaus' teenage hands reached out to cradle Ben's bloody, damaged body. His uncontrollable blubbering lead to him drooling, just a little. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, that registered as gross._

_"Klaus," said Ben, standing beside his mangled body. "I'm not there anymore. You have to move, there's not much time."_

_Somewhere, far away, Allison was screaming. Christ, who would tell Vanya when they got home..._

Klaus blinked. "Like I said, uh, he died. On a mission."

"It was my fault." Klaus' jaw dropped. Luther?!

"Luther," said Allison. "It wasn't your fault."

Luther shook his head. "It was. I made a bad call. It was my fault." 

"Luther, you were a child. If you made a poor call it's because Dad put you in that position." Five hadn't even been home when Ben died, and yet he said this with such conviction that Klaus thought it would be hard to dismiss. Even Diego's posture softened slightly at his statement. 

"We were just kids," said Ben, either echoing Five's sentiment or lamenting the loss of life at such a young age. Klaus couldn't be sure which. 

Jessica's eyes shown with concern. More than that, they conveyed understanding. "Your father seems complicated, to put it nicely. I thought that when I met him." Klaus wanted to ask her more about that, but she pressed on. "You were close with Ben."

"He was a real pain in my ass sometimes." 

Ben rolled his eyes at him. 

Jessica laughed softly. "Tell me about him. You seem to know him best." 

"Actually, I was thinking he could tell you himself." Klaus smiled cheekily. "Would you like to meet him?" 

Jessica furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't understand."

"I can bring him here for you. But be warned, as I said, he can be kind of a pain in the ass."

"I don't understand." Jessica turned away from Klaus and looked to his siblings for some explanation. 

"You're aware that we have special abilities?" Allison supplied. "Klaus can conjure the deceased." 

"I.. I don't..." Jessica stuttered. "I don't believe you."

"But say you did," Diego cut in. "Let's just say it's true. Would you want to meet him?"

"Of course." 

Diego nodded to Klaus.

Klaus clenched his fists together and felt the energy whirl through his whole body, pulsing down to his hands and exiting out through his fingertips. Ben slowly gained his shape, hazy, and glowing blue, but corporeal none-the-less. 

Jessica let out a small gasp. Klaus heard the sharp inhale from at least one of his siblings as well. Seeing Ben never seemed to get any easier, at least not at first. 

"He's... He's-" 

"Not alive," Ben said. "But present." 

"How- Can I touch you?" Jessica abandoned whatever her original question was in favor of reaching a hand out to him. Ben obliged and took her hand in his. Klaus felt an extra surge of energy. He noticed a dull ache behind his eyes. Had that been there before? 

"I'm sorry," Jessica said. For the first time since they arrived, she began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Ben. My gift from God. I wanted to care for you, I did." 

"What happened?" Klaus wondered if Ben would be crying, if he was still alive. He certainly cried often in their childhood, but more often than not, Klaus was the only one aware of its frequency. Now, without the option to cry, Ben simply looked distraught and gripped her hand tighter as he spoke. "I always wondered. When I was a kid, I mean."

"I'm sorry you had to wonder," she sniffled. "I was 17. My parents arranged it all. My father said that if I refused I'd be disowned. And your father came and took him from my arms." Allison was crying with her now, silent, but unmistakable to Klaus. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to speak ill of your father."

"He was an absolute bastard," Diego said. "Don't apologize."

Jessica nodded meekly, at a loss for words. "And I suppose it didn't matter anyway. My parents wrote me out of the will the day they met my wife."

"You're married?" Ben asked. Klaus feels another rush of emotion - perhaps affection, maybe guilt - and he isn't sure whether it belonged to himself or to Ben. The emotion rushed straight to his head and turned the dull ache to sharp pain. Klaus rested his head back on the chair and tried to ignore it. 

"Yes." Jessica smiled softened. Klaus knew that look of fondness all too well. "Oh, I wish she were here, she'd love to meet you. Maybe another time?"

"I'd love to come back. As often as I can," said Ben. Which meant of course, that Klaus would come back. He couldn't deny his brother a chance at a functional family, could he? Although Jessica and her wife probably wouldn't want to deal with Klaus his quirks and his attitude and flashbacks and withdrawals. He'd have to learn how to conjure Ben from a distance. And he'd have to find some place to stay that wasn't so adorably domestic and sweet, some place that Dave would've hated so that there is absolutely no trace of him for Klaus to dwell on. God, why could he so clearly imagine Dave everywhere he went, but still couldn't conjure him no matter how hard he tried?

He'd lost track of the conversation by this point, the pain being almost too much for him to bear. Through his hazy vision, he could see Jessica hugging Ben, stroking his hair, and his brother looked happy. He deserved to be happy. He deserved to have a life independent from Klaus. Every time Jessica touched Ben's hair the pain magnified until suddenly, Klaus was falling down, down, down to the ground in a flash of blue light. 

-

Klaus' opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling above him. His head ached, and though he racked his brain for some kind of memory, they all appeared foggy to him. He was probably in some shitty motel. Who had he come here with this time? He hoped they had at least paid him well. 

He rolled over, bones aching, to see...

"Oh. Diego." Next to Diego, Five, sitting crisscross applesauce in ill-fitting flannel pajamas. And next to him, Ben, arm crossed, looking concerned.

"Klaus," Diego said. "You can't pull stunts like that if you're not strong enough."

"What he means is that you need to tell us if you're hurting," Ben amended. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll never happen again.” Klaus rolled out of bed and ignored how Five scanned him up and down. “Oh, look! A balcony! We’ve upgraded!”

“Klaus,” Diego pleaded, “Can we please talk about this?” 

Klaus threw open the door so hard he thought it might break. “Fresh fucking air!” He took an exaggerated inhalation. “Mmm, California!” He slammed the door shut just as hard. 

“You’re being an asshole,” Klaus heard Diego call out to him, but its muffled enough that he could pretend he’d never heard it. Jesus, his skin itched and bounced and ached. He wished he could just get rid of it all. If not his skin, just his shoes, then. He kicked them off into the corner. Better. 

His head throbbed as he pressed it against the cold metal of the railing. It was a long way down. 

“Thank you,” said Ben, because of course he did. Always there and with manners. “I’m sorry if it was hard for you. But I appreciate it. And you did well.”

Klaus scoffed. “Well, I don’t mean to brag but I am the world’s number 1 medium.”

“You’re the only true medium I’ve ever met.”

“Right over your head, Ben. That’s where the joke went. And then it crashed and died so I’ll have to conjure it later.” 

“But honestly. I know you had your reservations about coming on the trip. But I’m glad I met her. And you’re getting better at projections everyday.” Ben bit his lip. “I know it’s not easy.”

“If everything were easy I’d be doing cartwheels everywhere I went.” Klaus lifted his head to look at him straight on. “I liked her. It makes sense for you.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Ben couldn’t hold back a small smile. “I was worried she’d be different. I don’t know. I feel better.” 

Klaus wished he could say the same. “Hey, and if you had grown up here, you’d probably be even gayer than I am. That’s one good thing you got from growing up with Dad.” 

Ben frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“I... It’s a joke. Remember, Ben? We just went over this?” 

“That’s not what I meant.”

Klaus scooted closer to him. “Ok, I’m sorry, there was nothing good about growing up with Dad, I know.”

“No, I meant,” Ben fidgeted nervously, “Why’d you say that? About me being gay.” 

Klaus gestured to the land around them. “San Francisco? Land of the gays?” 

“Never mind. Forget it.” 

“No,” Klaus said, scooting closer still. “You brought it up, so let’s fucking talk about it.” 

Ben turned to look him dead in the eyes. “Why do you assume that I’m not?” 

“Not what? _Gay?_ ” Klaus almost wanted to laugh.“Because you’re not?” 

Ben still said nothing. He just looked at Klaus. 

Klaus’ jaw dropped. “Are you?”

“I don’t know! I kinda died before I had much of a chance to find out!” Ben shouted. “But sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I think so.” He said the last part so quietly Klaus almost missed it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked!”

“I didn’t think I had to!”

“Would it really have changed your opinion of me?”

“Jesus, Ben, no!” Klaus dan his fingers through his hair. “You’re my brother. And you know all about me. How could you think that?” 

“Exactly!” Ben said, exasperated. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now. I can’t do anything about it.” 

Klaus put his hand on top of Ben’s. And though it sank right through, for a moment, Klaus thought he could feel the skin of his brother’s hand. 

Ben flashed a tight-lipped smile. “Would it really have changed anything if you knew earlier?” 

“I don’t know,” Klaus said, and it was the truth. “Probably would’ve brought better guys around if I knew you could be into them.” 

Ben cocked his head. “You’d bring back better guys for me but not for yourself?”

Klaus pressed his head back into the railing. Family road trips should really come with a warning about emotional baggage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and tell me what you think!


	4. Diego - Monterrey, Mexico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hargreeves visit Diego’s birth mom in Monterrey, Mexico.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: I do not speak Spanish, so translations may not be totally correct! check the end notes for a translation if interested.

The sun was just beginning to set on Monterrey, sending beautiful rays of light dancing across the sky. Juxtaposed against the grimace Diego wore, it seemed all the more beautiful. 

"Interrogating her might be a bit much, Diego," Vanya suggested. "I'm sure you can just have a normal conversation."

Diego turned to her, fire in his eyes. "Everyone we talked to seems to know her. Did you ever think of why that is?" 

Vanya said nothing. 

Diego continued. "That kind of influence comes from money. Take a guess where that money came from. I mean, look at her goddamn house!"

Klaus followed Diego's pointed finger and looked at the house in question. In size, it almost reminded Klaus of the Hargreeves mansion. It was excessively large, but rather than looking near-Victorian, like their childhood home had, this house was sleek and modern. According to the vague information they managed to weasel out of locals, this was a house that suited Gloria Flores well. By all accounts, they had been told that she was a stylish, well put together woman who made her presence in the community known. 

Diego bared his teeth. "So forgive me, Vanya, if I have a few questions for her." He turned around and stormed up to the front doors. 

"He shouldn't talk to you that way, Vanya," Allison said quietly, behind Diego's back. 

Vanya's eyes shone with residual guilt and shame when her eyes met Allison's. Vanya, Allison, Luther. The sibling triangle of guilt and unresolved conflict. Vanya's attack on Allison and Luther's subsequent attack on Vanya had almost demolished their family and had left them hanging by a thread. One day they'd have to learn how to heal properly if they ever wanted to be a family. 

Klaus almost laughed at himself. Like he knew anything about healing. Or being a family. 

"He's upset," Vanya said. "What can you do?"

"I know," said Allison. "But you meant well. He shouldn't talk to you that way." 

Allison reached out to gently squeeze her hand. Vanya smiled softly at her. Baby steps. 

Diego rapped his fist on the door, continuously and for much longer than he probably should have. Just when Klaus is about to tell him to knock it off, the door opens. 

"Dios mío, ¿quién está haciendo todo ese ruido?" She was a small woman, with warm brown eyes that contrasted her cold demeanor. "Esta es una propiedad privada."

To his credit, Diego relaxed the moment he saw her. "Lo siento. ¿Eres Gloria Flores? Mi nombre es Diego. Yo soy tu hijo." 

Two things that shocked Klaus: One, that his brother knew Spanish (How had he learned? Dad certainly didn't teach them) and two, that his brother used the softest tone of his voice, usually reserved for Grace, or on the rare occasion, for himself or Ben when they were children. 

Gloria's eyes narrowed. "No quiero hablar de eso." 

"¡Pero yo soy tu hijo!"

"No tienes idea de lo que me ha pasado. No vuelvas aquí." The door slammed shut. Klaus may not be able to understand the language, but that motion spoke to him loud and clear. 

"Wait!" Diego continued to bang his fists on the door. "¡Espere!" But the door stayed shut. 

Luther looked at his siblings inquisitively. "What just happened?" 

Diego stormed off the porch. "Isn't it obvious, Luther?" He threw his hand up in the air. "She doesn't want to see me!" 

Allison took a step forward. "Diego, maybe-" 

"Oh don't even bother, Allison. You got your happy ending, your perfect little life, so fucking save it!" Klaus could practically see the steam radiating off of Diego. Klaus grimaced towards Ben. 

"This is not good," Ben muttered. 

"Understatement of the year," Klaus said back to him. Diego swung around to face him. 

"And you can tell Ben to can it," Diego said, "I don't want to hear it." 

"Technically, you wouldn't have been able to hear it anyways-"

"Shut up!" said Diego mockingly. "Jesus Christ, how pathetic are we? Get it now, Luther? Or do I need to say it slower to get it through that thick skull of yours?" 

Luther took a step towards Diego with his arms up, ready to restrain Diego if necessary. Klaus' fight or flight instinct kicked in. Not again, Luther, Klaus wanted to say. Don't make this worse than it already is. 

Apparently, Diego's instincts also told him to fight. Before Luther could say or do anything, Diego sent a knife flying through the space between Luther's torso and raised arm. It sliced the sleeve open, and Luther winced as he grabbed the underside of his arm. When he removed his hand, his glove was stained a dark red. 

Diego darted away without retrieving the blade. Klaus and his other siblings rushed to Luther, who had fallen to his knees, more out of shock than pain, Klaus suspected. 

"Oh, God," Allison said, applying pressure to Luther's wound. "We need bandages."

"Already on it," Vanya said, jogging back from the van with the first aid kit in her hands. Huh. Klaus wondered who had been smart enough to pack that. He hadn't even known it was in the car. 

Allison began tending to Luther's wounds. 

"I don't understand," Luther said. "I don't understand."

"Um," Klaus said, "You threatened to smash him with your giant hands. After his mother rejected him."

Luther blinked up at him. "I did it again," he said quietly.

"Yeah," said Allison. "Yeah, you did. It's ok, Luther. You can talk to him later."

"It's just... He makes me so _mad._ It's like he knows exactly what to say." For a moment, Klaus thought he saw Luther's eyes glisten. "Dad wanted me to be Number One. He wanted me to keep the peace."

Vanya and Klaus shared a look, at a loss for words. Allison was silent as she finished dressing the wound. 

Five, who was hovering behind Luther, shifted uncomfortably. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Diego is fully gone."

Klaus swung around. Five was right, there was no sign of Diego anywhere.

"Shit."

-

The sun had already set a long while before the search for Diego became desperate. The dark that now surrounded them did nothing to help the search. Instead, it camouflaged the faces passing by them and made them almost indistinguishable from one another. Somewhere, one of those millions of people was his brother. 

"I still say we should split up," Five grumbled. "The city's too big." 

"Not a chance," said Allison. "Besides, Diego's on foot. He couldn't have gotten far."

"Unless he took a taxi," said Five, just quiet enough that Allison could ignore him. 

Klaus' feet hurt. The van seemed miles away, wherever it was that they had parked it. The memory was hazy now. Everything was a little hazy. It would be so easy to duck into an alleyway and wait for the right person to come along, get a quieter place to stay, something to take the edge off. Maybe even a little cash. No, he wasn't wearing his sexiest outfit, but it could work. Lord knows he'd found men while looking a lot worse than he did right then. 

"I'm getting deja vu," said Ben. He pointed at Luther. 

The whole process was familiar, Klaus realized, as was the ache he felt in his whole body. Except now, it wasn't just Klaus and Ben, which meant that Klaus had to keep his angry comments to himself. 

He obeyed Ben's direction and watched Luther. He wondered if he could recognize the familiarity in the situation, or if he had been too drunk to remember that part of the night. Now, Luther scowled as he scanned the streets for some sign of Diego. The longer they went without him, the more upset Luther seemed to become. 

Klaus glanced ahead at a dark figure laying on a bench. Was that the glint of a blade under the street lamps? 

"I win!" Klaus cheered, racing ahead of his siblings. "Diego, you bastard." 

Diego sat up warily. "Sorry. Didn't know how to get back to the hotel." 

The rest of the Hargreeves caught up with him. 

"Oh, thank God, Diego!"

"Are you crazy?" Luther said, already accusatory. "You could've gotten yourself killed."

Diego sneered at him. "I think I've got more real-world experience than you do, asshole." 

Luther clenched his fists. "You've got some nerve after pulling a stunt like that."

Diego pushed past Klaus to shove Luther's chest. "How 'bout you go back to the moon, Monkey Man?" 

Luther's anger reached its peak and boiled over in waves. He swung a fist at Diego, but Diego was too fast; He dodged it and came back up to hit Luther again in the stomach. He wasn't using his knives, which was out of character but lucky for Luther, although Diego was getting a few good hits in. Luther looked as though he could barely contain himself, and none of Vanya's shouts to stop seemed to be reaching either of them. 

Klaus wiggled his way in between them. "Let's all play nice now, oka-"

A fist hit Klaus square in the face and knocked him to the ground. He gasped for breath but found that it hurt to breathe through his nose. It stung, it ached, it was sticky- He held a hand up to it and found a handful of blood when he pulled away. 

"Oh," he said. "You hit me." 

"Now look at what you've done, Diego, it's irresponsible-"

Diego's look of regret morphed back to rage at Luther's words, he revved up to attack again...

"No!" screamed his sisters and Ben.

Klaus made eye contact with Five. "Do something!" 

Five swallowed hard. He ran to Klaus, put a hand on his shoulder and reached up to hold Luther's jacket. With one anguished yell and a flash of blue light, Five transported them all back to the motel.

Klaus laid face down on the shag carpet. Blood continually dripped down his face and into his mouth. Gross. He spat it out on the carpet and slowly picked himself up.

Five stumbled up to his feet. When he caught his balance, he leaned in closer to Klaus. "Don't ever make me do that again," he said with a shaky breath. And with that, he retreated behind the locked door of the motel bathroom. 

Klaus clumsily followed him. "Five!" he said, scratching at the door handle. "C'mon, little man, get back out here."

"I will still be here long after all of you are gone." Even through the door, Klaus could hear his voice waver.

"Goddamn it." 

He turned to the rest of his siblings. Vanya was barely holding Diego back, although she was getting so worked up that the lamp beside them began to rattle. Allison was doing to best to soothe Luther with calming words, but it had little effect. 

"Can you all leave, please? Just... go to the other room. Please," Klaus said. "Except Diego. Sit down and take a goddamn chill pill."

"What?" Vanya stilled. "You can't be serious." 

"Oh, can't I?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Klaus, you're bleeding," said Allison.

Shit. Klaus had almost forgotten. As if to prove her point, he felt another surge of blood trickle down his face. He dabbed at it with his sleeve. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I can take care of it. The other room is next door, right? Seriously, take Luther and get the hell out." 

For better or for worst, Diego then sent another knife whizzing past Luther's ear.

"Fine," Allison said, defeated. "But we need to talk about this. As a family." 

Klaus watched his sisters slowly trudge out of the room, Luther in tow.

He returned to the bathroom door, this time with a bobbypin to stick in the lock. The door swung open. Yes! Klaus still had it. 

Five laid in the bottom of the bathtub, shaking. His fingernails scratched at the walls of the tub. He muttered something unintelligible.

"What?" Klaus asked.

"Delores," Five forced, a little louder. "I want Delores." 

Somewhere in the back of Klaus' mind, the name clicked. "Oh, it's not... She's not here."

Five shuttered. "Then you're useless to me."

Klaus swallowed the sarcastic retort that came to mind. He blinked back the shock of his brother's words. "Maybe. But let's go through all our options here. What can I do for you?" Klaus slowly crouched down next to the tub. 

"Bring me Delores." 

"Okay, so as established, I can't do that-" 

"Leave." Five's words were cold as ice, and each was words seemed a struggle, coming from  
his chattering teeth. "You have no idea what you're dealing with." 

Klaus stood, dejected. Five was right. He was of no use. Maybe it wrong of him to assume  
responsibility for two of his brothers' crises. He was useless in the face of Five's myriad of issues, useless to soothe Diego and Luther, useless to conjure anyone that mattered (all he could manage was the woman banging her head on the sink and moaning), useless to stop- Goddamn it, useless to stop his nose from  
bleeding. He held a crushed up wad of toilet paper to his face and groaned. 

"Fine," he said, "I'll leave. If you're going to choose to be alone, so be it. Ben and I will be with Diego." 

Five had nothing left to say as Klaus reentered the main room. Diego was no longer fuming, rather removing layers of his ridiculous spandex outfit in defeat. He replaced it with sweatpants and an old t-shirt with a boxing logo Klaus didn't recognize. 

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture, if that's why you're here." He moved from the dresser to the wall, where he dislodged a stray knife. 

"I'm not in the mood to give a lecture, so that's a relief." Klaus sat on the bed, gingerly dabbing at his nose. "Although I do actually have a Ph.D., so really, you should be paying me for my lectures." 

To his left, Ben chuckled. "Ph.D. in dumbassery, maybe." Diego said nothing. 

"I didn't know you knew Spanish," Klaus tried. 

"Good for police work." For Diego's sake, Klaus pretended to believe him. 

"You know, I slept with a German guy for a while because I thought I'd start to pick up on the language. Even learned a bit, too." Klaus surprised himself with his honesty. That part was true, although he doesn't tell Diego that he also learned from the ghost of a German immigrant that haunted him in their youth. "I always thought, you know, Klaus, must be a German name. And what do you know," he gestured to himself, "Dutch. Funny how that happens." 

"I'm going to have to watch the rest of you get closure," Diego said. "We're not even halfway done. I'm going to have to watch all of you."

"Well first off," Klaus rapped his fist on the bedside table, "Knock on wood. We're only halfway done." He smiled weakly. "And maybe it's better this way."

Diego's face dropped. "Klaus."

"I mean," said Klaus quickly, "That woman is not your mom. Grace is your mom." He scooted a little closer in Diego's direction. "Wasn't that your whole point?"

"I guess so," Diego grumbled, but his eyes lightened, just slightly. 

"Nice save," Ben said. 

"I suppose I just got worked up." 

"Yeah," Klaus said, "About that. You gotta talk to Luther." 

"Don't tell me you're taking his side."

"I'm not taking his side!" Klaus insisted. "He was being an asshole." 

"Good." 

"I'm not taking your side either. You were also being an asshole."

"Goddamn it, Klaus!"

"Diego, mijn broer, he's trying-"

"Not hard enough, clearly! Every time he opens his mouth it's like it's Dad talking." 

"Look, Dad fucked us all up, ok? We're all trying to let that go, it's harder for him sometimes."

"Why should I give him the pass? Why should I go easy on Luther when he's the reason Ben is dead?" 

Klaus inhaled sharply. 

" _What?_ " When Ben said it, it was more of a statement than a question. 

"You heard him say it, Klaus. I never really knew for sure until he said it." 

The emotions overwhelming both Klaus and Ben were strong enough for just a moment, in which Ben's hand was solid and whacked the back of Diego's head.

"Shit!" He looked up at the air around him. "Ben!" He looked back at Klaus. "Remind him who used to win during hand-to-hand combat training."

Klaus doesn't even need to wait for Ben's response to answer. "He used to let you win."

"What?"

"He didn't like to fight, and he knew ranking used to matter to you. So he let you win." Ben nodded. "That's what we're supposed to do for each other, Diego."

"What, I'm supposed to let Luther win? Let him crush me in his monkey arms? Beat me to a pulp without putting up a fight?"

"It's not a perfect analogy!" Fuck, Klaus hoped Diego would let him wrap this up soon. He had soaked through all his tissues. "Dad is the reason Ben is dead. Dad's the reason we're all so fucked up. And our other brother is shivering in the bottom of the bathtub right now, so I don't think we can afford to be tearing down any other brothers. They're a limited supply, I'm afraid."

Diego slumped back down in his bed. Finally, something Klaus was saying was working. He continued. 

"Talk to Luther and work these things out. I'd say the same thing to him if he was here. If we want to do the whole family thing right this time, we have to unlearn Dad. Not blame each other." Klaus sighed deeply. "I'm learning that myself."

Diego glanced over at him. "I'm not used to you being right." 

"Neither am I, but Ben hasn't shut me up yet." In fact, he was smiling at him. "So I must've said something right."

"I'll try and talk to Luther," Diego resolved. "If he'll even listen to me." His eyes darted to the bloody toilet paper covering Klaus' nose. "I'm sorry I hit you. You weren't supposed to get hurt."

"Eh," said Klaus, waving his free arm, "It's not the first time. If only he could remember how he had stopped the bleeding before. "Besides, it's practically done bleeding now," he lied. 

"I'm still sorry." 

Lest they slip into silence, Klaus kept talking. "That's a nice shirt." And he's lying again, but Klaus was getting better at lying to make a person feel better. He was getting used to lies that didn't result in drugs, or sex, or a night in the holding station. They felt much better rolling off the tongue. 

It's not a nice shirt, it's clearly well worn to the point where the old boxing logo has faded and it's several sizes too big for Diego. At least he wasn't trying to wear it out in public. But he seems to be justified in his lie, as Diego preened at his words. 

"Uh, thanks," he said, then suddenly sounding self-conscious. He added, "An old partner got it for me. Haven't worn it in a while."

"Police partner?" Klaus commented absent-mindedly. "That doesn't seem like a gift you'd get from a coworker, it seems like a gift you'd get from a boyfriend- Oh!" Off Diego's startled look, he stopped. "It wasn't... the detective's  
shirt? I didn't mean to..."

"...No." Diego said firmly. "No, you had it right the first time."

"With what, a boyfrie-..." Klaus cut himself off when he made eye contact. Diego only stared at him. "You're joking!" 

"No."

"What?!" Klaus almost threw himself off the bed. "First Ben, now you-"

"Wait, what about Ben?"

Klaus swung around to look at Ben's surprised expression. Oops. 

He turned back to Diego. "Nothing, forget about it. You! You never told me!"

"Well you never told me, either, Klaus!" Diego argued. 

"I didn't have to! Everyone knew it. Interviewers, the press..." With no more drugs in his system, Klaus' childhood memories were strong. Stronger than they had been in years. "Dad." His body betrayed him. His lower lip wobbled. "They knew before I did." The hurt of it surged through his body. "And you let me do it alone."

"That's not fair," Diego started, and before he even continued, Klaus knew he was right. "I had to do it alone too, Klaus. We were all alone in that house." 

"We had to figure it out for ourselves. It wasn't on purpose," Ben said. 

Klaus' eyes prickled. "You're right. I'm sorry. See?" he said to Diego. "Doing the brother-family thing."

Diego softened. "Or something like it."

"I think that's the closest we'll ever get it," said Ben.

"I'm okay with that," Klaus said. 

Just then, the bathroom door swung open. 

"Hey, little man," said Klaus, sitting up. "How you doing?"

"I am better than you have ever been or ever will be." And even though Klaus knew just how poorly Five had looked mere minutes ago, he still thought that he was probably right.

Five gingerly sat on the bed next to Klaus. The placement of his limbs was awkward. Unrehearsed. For one the first times since his return, Five looked as though he didn't know what to do. 

"You're bleeding still," Five said. 

"Oh, yeah, well," Klaus said. "What can you do?"

"You can lean forward and apply pressure for one thing," said Five, pulling tissues from his pockets and handing them to Klaus. "Did no one ever teach you first-aid?"

"Must've missed that day of training." Klaus made a motion of his hands flying over his head. "Missed a lot actually, towards the end."

"I guess I did too," Five sighed. "Leave that there until the bleeding stops." He furrowed his eyebrows. "You should really learn first aid. It's irresponsible not to know. You never know when you'll be left alone..." His voice hitched. "When you'll have to take care of yourself."

Klaus obeyed his instructions and watched Five out of the corner of his eye. The longer he looked, the more faults he found in his appearance. The bloodshot eyes. The dark circles underneath them. The residual tremble in the tips of his fingers. His facade was breaking; His brother was flawed. 

"That's not going to happen," said Diego, aggressively fluffing his pillow. "Klaus was right. We're a family now. A real family. Or we almost are, at least. Someone'll have your back."

Klaus was right. The words had come straight from Diego's lips. Klaus was right. He was, wasn't he? All on his own, he had been right. No ulterior motives, no Ben feeding him lines, no classically conditioned response from Dad. No sarcastic deflections. Klaus was right. 

Ben beamed. "We could be a real family." 

Five's lips thinned. "You should still learn first-aid."

Klaus pulled the tissues away from his face. The bleeding had stopped. He looked at Diego. "We should sleep."

"Yeah."

"You'll talk to Luther in the morning." 

Diego grimaced. "Yes." 

"And you'll give him a chance to explain himself."

"Only if he does the same for me." 

"He will," said Klaus, determined. "I'll see to it." 

Diego nodded curtly. He switched off the light. "Goodnight, then." Within minutes, his soft snores filled the room. 

Klaus laid his head back on the pillow. At the same moment, Five rose from the bed and began walking around the room. Klaus' eyes struggled to adjust to the dark. Even so, based on the familiar tapping sound, it seemed that Five was circling the room and touching each piece of furniture. Klaus knew that tapping sound, from Five's room in the Hargreeves mansion. It must be a common occurrence.

"Five," he said. The tapping did not stop for him. "What are you doing?"

"Just checking," Five answered, as vague and non-descriptive as ever. He continued his routine. 

"I'm sorry you don't have Delores." The tapping ceased. 

"What?" Klaus' eyes were adjusting. He could just start to make out his brother's tiny figure, fists clenching and unclenching as he tried to make sense of himself. 

"I'm sorry you lost Delores. I wish she could be here with you."

The outline of his brother stared him down. "You lost someone, too." It wasn't a question. "I can tell. I don't know why you won't tell anyone."

It was like the air had been knocked out of Klaus' lungs. He ached to be gone, to zap back to Vietnam, or to numb the pain, or to leave his life completely. He gasped for breath. "That's hypocritical," he managed. "Yes. I lost Dave." The words had been spoken aloud. It was a dark, muggy evening in Vietnam all over again. "I lost the only man I loved."

Klaus could hear Five's gulp from across the room. "I'm sorry you lost Dave. I wish he could be here with you." 

Klaus couldn't stop the white-hot tears from trickling down his cheeks even if he wanted to. He flung an arm over his eyes. If Dave were here, he'd be able to wipe those tears with such delicate precision that Klaus thought might melt away.

"You should sleep," Klaus whispered. "Come back." 

"I'll go to the bathroom. You don't want me here."

"I do." And Klaus meant it. "Please come  
back." 

Five carefully scooted himself into the bed, beside Klaus. He awkwardly pulled the blanket over himself. It occurred to Klaus that when it came to orthodox sleeping arrangements, Five was probably out of practice. He suddenly felt bad for watching Five so intently and rolled over on his other side to let him get situated in peace. 

He'd almost fallen asleep several minutes later when a hand seized the back of his shirt and gripped tight.

"What're you doing?" asked Klaus sleepily. 

"Just checking," said Five. "Just checking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish phrases in order: 
> 
> My god, who is making all that noise?  
> This is private property.
> 
> I'm sorry. Are you Gloria Flores? My name is Diego. I'm your son.  
> I do not want to talk about that.
> 
> But I'm your son!
> 
> You have no idea what has happened to me. Do not come back here.
> 
> Wait!
> 
> -
> 
> please leave kudos and comment if u enjoyed/just wanna talk about the story!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please leave a comment and tell me what you think.


End file.
